How to trap a Rennie entering your campsite during a Renaissance Faire

Rennie: Someone who attends multiple Renaissance Festivals on multiple weekends to drink, party, and hook-up.

When camping at a Renaissance Faire, it’s important to secure the area to ensure that only invited guests and those that are part of the camp find their way into the inner areas, typically focused on a fire pit or food tent. Rennies, either drunk or high, may sometimes wander into the unknown, unaware or indifferent of their surroundings. The following methods are recommended ways to deal with these intruders.

• Place tents close together in a crescent moon or semi-circle shape, with the outer guide wires crossed before being staked in the ground. This is typically referred to as a Drunk Trap. Acceleration through this area leads to a sudden impact and, if you’re lucky, immediate unconsciousness.
• Dig a pit in the center of your camp. Wandering Rennies tend to take the most direct route. Covering this pit isn’t required, though you should make the walls notably high enough (and thus the pit deep enough) to allow only the sober to escape. The following lures can also be used to trap these slaves Rennies:
  
  • A drum: It’s said that finding a drummer at a Ren Fair is as simple as opening your eyes. The presence of an unclaimed drum works as the perfect lure.
  • A glow stick: Possibly waving in a breeze as possible. Raves no longer an option, this classic lure finds many a Rennie an easy target for its mysterious pull.
  • A blow-up doll (in garb): Female preferred, as some may become instantly chivalrous in an effort to win the bed of a fellow Rennie for the evening.
  • A bottle of rum: Obvious.
• A camping shower with a false floor is also an acceptable trap, as respect for personal property is as limited as respect for ‘this is not your damn campsite’. Be advised, this will not be effective with a large portion of Rennies as a fear of water is as prominent as you may find in creatures of the feline persuasion.
• Super-glue a bottle to the road full of alcohol. This will collect many Rennies in a single area and provide a notable amount of entertainment, usually for hours. The predictable outcome is usually the destruction of the bottle (with the loss of its contents) or less frequently the discovery of a straw.
• A rope barrier around the camp is not always allowed at the Faire, but can provide immediate incapacitation of a Rennie in motion.
• Though highly technical, a classic rope ankle trap will not raise your Rennie off their feet and upside down (perfect for Cinco De Mayo), but also provide the opportunity to collect any items that fall out of their pockets before their release. This method provides immediate toll payment for crossing through your campsite. Common term: Booty Blowout.

This post was inspired by a fireside conversation camping with friends at the Texas Renaissance Faire 2009, closing weekend (Thanksgiving weekend). Thanks to Jer, Chloe, Lacey, Aja, and Mel for their input and laughs.

Tags: camping, rennaissance faire